Secular Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ceremony & One-on-One Mentorship
A unique coming-of-age experience rooted in personal reflection, cultural identity, and social responsibility.
The Bar/Bat Mitzvah program at Sholem is a unique, secular coming-of-age experience rooted in Jewish cultural identity, personal growth, and community engagement. Below is a deeper look at how the program is structured, who participates, and what families can expect.
What It's All About
Our approach to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process is intentionally different. Instead of focusing on religious ritual, we emphasize individual expression, reflection, and values. Each student chooses a topic that feels meaningful to them and presents it in a form that reflects their voice — whether through a spoken essay, visual art, music, or another creative medium.
Read what about our approach sets us apart »
You can also view the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Credo for the values we center in every ceremony.
The Path to the Ceremony
Students begin preparing roughly a year in advance. They select a topic for research or personal reflection and work on a 15–20 minute presentation that represents their relationship to Jewish identity. The process includes regular check-ins with a mentor, collaborative feedback with peers, and guidance from advisors.
We encourage all students to think deeply, grow personally, and approach the process with honesty and curiosity. Key deadlines help keep everyone on track.
Tzedakah-Social Justice Project
In addition to their presentation, each student completes a Tzedakah (Social Justice) project — contributing at least 10 hours of meaningful service. These projects are guided by Sholem’s commitment to building a besere un shenere velt (a better and more beautiful world).
Students often incorporate their project into their presentation. Some complete them individually, while others collaborate with peers or family members. Learn more about how this aligns with our program values in the full guidelines.
Who Participates & How
The Celebrants
Students are typically eligible to participate after attending several years of Sholem’s Sunday School. Most are in their second year of Hey class, though eligibility may also include students who have completed at least two years in Giml, Daled, or Hey, with advisor approval. Participation requires a commitment of time, thought, and genuine engagement; this is a meaningful process, not a casual one.
The Advisors
Each student is matched with a trained advisor — often a certified vegvayzer or experienced community leader — who provides mentorship throughout the year. Advisors offer feedback, encouragement, and structure, while still allowing the student’s voice to lead the way. They also help coordinate logistics and often officiate the ceremony.
The Parents
Parents play a vital role in supporting the process. They help with organization, emotional support, and ceremony planning. Before the year begins, parents are asked to complete both a confidential questionnaire and an enrollment form and agreement to the program guidelines.
Planning, Ceremonies & Expectations
We want every ceremony to feel personal and thoughtful — not stressful. That’s why we offer detailed information to guide each step:
You can access the full program guidelines here.